


Rocking, Rocking, Rocking

by applejeans



Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Internalized Homophobia, Love, M/M, One Shot, Post 3x06, pretty damn soft, you know the episode
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-14
Updated: 2020-04-14
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:22:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 536
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23646880
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/applejeans/pseuds/applejeans
Summary: Set sometime after 3x06. One shot, train of thought.Mickey goes back to Ian, eventually.But it's different.
Relationships: Ian Gallagher/Mickey Milkovich
Comments: 4
Kudos: 27





	Rocking, Rocking, Rocking

Sex was sex, until it wasn’t.  
Mickey knew he was in love.  
Ian knew it, too.

Face to face.  
Mickey had kissed him once.  
He couldn’t again.  
Maybe ever.

Nose to nose.  
Their faces were so close, breath warm on the other’s lips, but Mickey couldn’t bring himself to close that distance again.  
As much as he wanted to, he couldn’t.  
His father’s words haunted him.  
Those fists were burned into his skin.  
He saw the blood on Ian’s face whenever he looked too long.

Hand in hand.  
Ian’s hands were so big, Mickey’s so small.  
They couldn’t fit.  
Clean skin against tattooed fingers.  
Freckles versus scars.  
This was the closest they had come to holding hands.  
And the moment Mickey realised, he wanted to pull away.  
But Ian’s fingers were too long.  
Holding too tight.  
And so Mickey had no choice but to let them stay, pressed against the pillow.  
Knuckles white, squeezing so hard it hurt.  
The only way to pretend he didn’t like it.

Chest to chest.  
Sometimes when they fucked, Ian’s flat chest and hard stomach was replaced by hips and curves and valleys, with breasts and hair falling in his face.  
The smell of cigarettes would be replaced by a floral perfume, barely disguising the scent of sweat from the guy before.  
The feeling of Ian in him and around him and all over him was always so suffocating. He felt like he was drowning from it.  
Masculinity.  
Ian.  
The two words were the same in Mickey’s mind.  
That’s what Mickey drowned in.  
His lungs ached and his throat burned and his eyes filled with tears, but he couldn’t tell why.  
Because it was all he ever wanted?  
Or because it was everything he couldn’t have?

Thigh against thigh.  
He hated that he loved it.  
Ian giving and taking all that he wanted from Mickey.  
He had no control when they were like this.  
Ian could have it all.  
And maybe it was okay.  
Maybe he could let Ian be like this.  
When they were in this tangle of sheets, when the lights were low.  
When it was the illusion that the world was made of just the two of them.  
This was all okay.

Toe to toe.  
But they weren’t.  
This was not an even playing field.  
They didn’t live in the same world.  
When it was over, Mickey would go back home.  
An alien in his own land.  
He didn’t belong here.  
He never belonged here.  
He wished his father had killed him that day.  
He dreamed about going back in time, before any of it happened.  
Before he knew the feeling of Ian’s body against his.  
Or the touch of his lips, or the way that he felt.  
He would rather have none of that, than all of this.  
But it was too late to go back.  
He was here now.  
On an old mattress, with a nose against his, the warmth of lips too close to his.  
Their bodies like ships on an ocean, rocking, rocking, rocking.  
Wave after wave.  
Breaking them down until there was nothing left of them.  
But the bare, cold, bitter end.  
Because good things always came to an end.

Lips to lips.

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this in about 10 minutes flat, suddenly hit with a writing bug!  
> I hope this makes sense.  
> If it doesn't, use your imagination I guess :)  
> I'm happy to answer questions.
> 
> Love y'all.  
> Glad they're happy now :) At Last. ;)


End file.
